Ten Things You Think Are Healthy That Actually Aren’t
10. Juice Cleanse.
Ummm—you have teeth for a reason. Use them. Not for pie though.
9. Raw Food Diet is The Best Diet.
Really? Last I heard, a plate of steamed broccoli was way healthier than a large pile of ‘nutmeat’. Even the name ‘nutmeat’ is not healthy.
8. Whole Grains Are Good For You.
First of all, when something is labeled ‘whole grain’, that doesn’t mean sh*t. Second off, whole grains themselves are proving more and more to be unfit for human consumption. Sorry, brown rice. Even you suck a little.
7. Counting Calories is Healthy.
One twinkie contains 150 calories, while a small avocado contains roughly 240 calories. Twinkies are apparently the new kale!
6. Tofu is a great meat alternative.
It’s just not. It is tasteless, made of genetically modified soy, and is just awkward. If you’re not eating meat, don’t try to re-create it. It won’t work.
5. Seitan is a great meat alternative.
It’s a pile of GLUTEN! Have tofu instead! Wait…
4. Eating every few hours will help me lose weight.
Believe it or not, the more you eat, the more weight you will gain! Fascinating, right?!
3. If I ‘save all of my calories’ for dinner, I can eat whatever I want and not worry.
Binge eating is the new kale… or was that twinkie?
2. I do cardio every day to lose weight.
Cardio puts your body into stress mode, stimulating the sympathetic nervous system. Unless the body is operating from the parasympathetic nervous system, it is virtually impossible to lose weight. The more you run, the more fat you store. Your body thinks you are being chased by a wild animal, even though you’re just chillin’ listening to Britney spears on the treadmill watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
1. I can’t work out tomorrow, so I’ll just work out twice today instead.
Nice try.
