Richard Freeman brilliantly points out some of the potentially unforeseen side effects of becoming a yogi. As he skims the surface, here’s a deeper look at how yoga gracefully ruins your life…

10. Your heightened sensitivity to sound makes it difficult to go to a loud bar, concert, or nightclub. Plus, you actually want to be able to hear what the person/people you’re with are saying, especially if it has to do with the universe, intention, raw chocolate, or how long you can hold a handstand.

9. Your heightened sensitivity to taste makes everything that previously tasted good taste like chemicalized artificial food, and everything that previously tasted boring taste like candy (sweet potato, anyone?) Too bad the world is filled with chemicalized artificial food.

8. When giving your name to someone, it can be a task to explain that this name is Sanskrit, and while it is your name, it’s not your given name, but it is now your name. Get it? Just be prepared to pronounce it slowly and spell it thirty-seven times so they get it right.

7. Tattoos are expensive, especially if you want to get colorful, detailed tattoos of different deities. How can you get one deity and not all the others? You better start saving that money you’re making teaching all those yoga classes…

6. Wait. What money? Oh yeah, non-attachment. That thing…

5. Your heightened sensitivity to smell makes it virtually impossible to wear or be around any type of perfume, unless you consider patchouli essential oil perfume… or unless you enjoy a headache.

4. Making eye contact and truly connecting with people is natural for you. It’s not natural for the rest of the world, and in fact, they think it’s totally awkward. Keep doing it.

3. If you take a yoga class and don’t receive adequate upside-down time, you just might find yourself in a public bathroom doing a headstand for four minutes (please tell me I’m not alone here).

2. Going on vacation doesn’t really interest you anymore, unless it consists of a rigid schedule of yoga three times daily, juiced vegetables, waking up at the crack of dawn, and sitting for hours doing absolutely nothing.

1. Not only can food be toxic, but so can people, jobs, environments, pets, furniture, air, TV, the mailman, and almonds that haven’t been sprouted. Be mindful, and don’t forget to burn some sage to clear toxic energy if the frequency is not aligned with yours… just make sure to blow it out before leaving the house… (oops)

Shayna Hiller

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