Why Being Selfish On Valentine’s Day Is Good For You
A couple days ago, I was driving down Main Street in Santa Monica, California and I passed by a restaurant advertising a post-Valentine’s Day brunch. The gigantic sign outside the restaurant read, ‘Pajama Brunch For Broken Hearts. Unlimited Mimosas.’ I’m assuming this event is intended for those who are single on Valentine’s Day. It’s an opportunity for those who are all alone to congregate… in their pajamas… broken hearts and all… and drink away their sorrows.
Ok fine. Perhaps it’s not so dismal. The champagne and pajama lover in me actually thinks something like that could be enjoyable to some degree, however there is a subtle and significant message being expressed through such advertising (and the majority of V-Day advertisements in general). That message is: ‘Love is dependent on someone else.’ If you are single on Valentine’s Day, you don’t fit in. Find a Valentine! Quick! Anyone will do! It’s the only way to have real Love! Really? Is that true?
I spent the majority of my twenties alone on Valentine’s Day. This is not a cry for sympathy. I say ‘alone’ and not ‘lonely’. The two are very different. Alone, I felt full unto myself. I felt whole. Happy. Loneliness, on the other hand, is based on the need for the other and the inability to be by oneself. There is a nervousness and a feeling of incompleteness. Having undergone some major life transformations at a young age, as well as becoming a personal development geek, I chose to dig deep in search of the Love within. Only by uncovering that spark can any Love be offered outward.
Love is a force. It’s not a person or a thing. It’s not a box of chocolates or a bouquet of dead flowers. When we are clear on what Love is, all of the traditional practices of Valentine’s Day are fine. They are symbolic of something that does not have shape or form. The act of giving and receiving gifts and celebrating Love is beautiful, however it is dangerous if we mistake these gestures for Love itself.
The traditional and cultural celebration of Valentine’s Day places heavy emphasis on the fact that in order to discover Love, we must be in relationship with another. Where does Love come from? If I am in relationship and I Love my partner, whose Love is it? It is my own Love. It comes from me. And in order for Love to be unconditional… without boundaries, one must discover it for themselves, within themselves, before they attempt to share or receive it from others.
When we seek outside ourselves for love, we are missing the point. Love is right here right now. As you read these words, Love is present. It is all around and inside every molecule of you. Love is a part of nature. It cannot be controlled, diminished, bought, sold, planned, or lost. Love is aliveness. It is a great joy… the joy of being alive. Love is like the sun. It shines unconditionally, even when the clouds move in. The sun is still shining. It allows all weather to pass, but it never stops providing its light.
Love will sneak up on you when you least expect it and vanish/transform you when you least want. That is the nature of Love. Pain is just as much a part of Love as joy. You cannot have one without the other. You can avoid Love… by becoming a vegetable. Just become blank and neutral. Ignore it. It will be boring. And miserable. Love adds spice and flavor to life. Relish in all the tastes and you will discover more of who you are. Love must be respected. It must not be misunderstood. No one can give you love. Love can be shared, but it cannot be given or taken. It’s yours forever.
We must be willing to take responsibility for our lives and learn to Love ourselves first. That self-Love becomes the most attractive part of your being. It translates into beauty, confidence, and strength. Self-Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Some questions you may want to consider: Do you treat yourself the same way you would treat your lover/partner? This includes all self-judgment, criticism, self-care, rest, and more. Are you gentle with yourself? How can you be more patient? Are you listening to what your body is telling you? Are you in touch with your intuition? Self-Love feeds into everything we do, from the people we choose to surround ourselves with to the foods we eat to physical activity, to our career choices, exposure to nature, and more… How are you Loving yourself today? How are you feeding yourself? And what would need to shift in order to feel more nourished?
I encourage you to jot down the answers to these questions and/or contemplate them in your mind as a mini self-Love meditation. Trust that everything is as it should be in this moment. Nothing needs to change. Building your muscle of awareness can serve as one of the most powerful practices in your life. Take small steps. And be kind to you.
Here is a healthy, beautifying, sweet treat for Valentines Day. Your body and mind will feel the Love… much more than it would with a pack of Hersheys Kisses!
3/4 cup chia seeds
2 cups almond milk (homemade is yummy!)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)
1/2 cup blueberries or strawberries (organic)
Coconut Sugar or Coconut Nectar to taste
Tiny dash salt
Mix the ingredients together, and let them rest for a few moments. Stir the mix well with a fork every five minutes or so. At first, it will be liquidy but in about thirty minutes the chia seeds will plump up, till the pudding resembles tapioca pudding.
Chopped walnuts, chopped almonds, vanilla bean, vanilla extract, sliced banana, raw cacao, organic raspberries.
Please share with someone you share your Love with!
I share many of the same sentiments you express and this quote is a personal favorite/mantra for how I lead my life: “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.” ~ Diane von Fürstenberg
Yes! Thank you for that quote. Spot on. <3