The Reason I Could Never Be A Gold-Digger
I could never be a gold-digger. And I’m talking about the Kanye West type of gold-digger, by the way… not the type that actually go into mines and dig for gold. Though, I could never be that either.
I started working when I was twelve years old. I worked for $5 per hour at a bakery in New Jersey. My parents instilled a hard work ethic in me, despite my resistance. Eventually, after school jobs became the norm and I learned how to earn money in order to support some of my (many) material desires. I remember dreading going to work and wishing I could hang out with my friends. While at work, I can vividly recall watching time go by, minute by minute and longing for my shift to be over. The only enjoyable part of the job was eating apple crumb pie. Three slices.
Fast forward to my late teens and early twenties. Before and during college, I took up the popular hobby of going out to dance clubs. It started in New York City, where I would leave my parents’ house in New Jersey at 11pm and arrive at the club just after midnight and party until 7am the next morning. For real. I somehow managed to get VIP access to some of the city’s hottest venues and partied with many celebrities and people of that ‘caliber’. My unconscious ‘networking’ skills were on point, and I was able to score free drinks, free access, and eventually free vacations and dinners and designer handbags! A dream come true, huh? Not so much…
As I continued to mature, I eventually discovered yoga and meditation and embarked on what I’d call my ‘soul pilgrimage’. I spent nearly a decade living alone, traveling, learning and discovering my authentic self for what seemed like the first time in my life.
Since then, I have had many opportunities to stop what I am doing and be supported financially by other people. It has always been oddly easy for me to meet and connect with financially sound humans. Strangely enough, I have yet to take someone up on it. And despite how tempting those types of offers may be to some, I could never bring myself to allow that. This is the reason…
Since becoming deeply aware of myself through meditation and self-inquiry, I know that I have a purpose here on this Earth. We all do. In fact, I moved back to the states from Costa Rica for that reason alone. I could have stayed in Costa Rica, however I felt that after hanging in the jungle for a few years, it was necessary for me to come back ‘into the world’ and teach what I have learned. Literally, to be of more service to the greater whole. Living in Costa Rica was partially an escape for me. A necessary one. But eventually I felt I was ready to blossom. So I moved to LA. I will say, I did not and still to this day am not 100% clear on what my purpose is however I am in touch enough with my intuition to feel the magnetic pull of my soul towards living in a more populated area for now.
That being said, I have been on quite the journey when it comes to manifesting my life’s purpose. I feel that money is simply a form of energy. It is an exchange. For every inhale, there is an exhale. For every day, a night. For every service of the soul, a necessary material compensation will follow. I never looked at money in this way until a few years ago, and that’s when my financial life began to flourish. We are, after all, physical beings living in a material world. As long as that is the case, material sources of energy are inevitable. Money is natural. It is when we become fearful or greedy that the true value of money takes a turn for the worse. Money is kind of like food. A healthy relationship with food will fuel our bodies and improve the quality of our lives. Food can also kill us, depending on how it was handled, how much we eat and so on. Similarly, money can be an addiction, a fear, or a friend depending on how conscious we are with it.
Culturally, we have been conditioned to fear not having money, as if money equals life. Of course money is important in the society we live in, however that unreasonably intense subconscious fear is at the root of people working jobs they dislike. It’s as if society has ingrained the fact that working is inevitable and chances are high that you will not enjoy your labor. But it’s a necessity, so we push through. Really? Is that really the point of life, considering more than half of our lives is spent at work? It just doesn’t seem right. It seems like a slavery of sorts.
The negative connotation surrounding the notion of ‘work’ needs to be replaced. Work is actually the reason we are here! Soul work. Self-discovery. Service. Support. There is a reason the universe has expressed itself through you, as you. Please do not mistake this. When I express that we each have a purpose, I truly believe we do, yet our individual objective will undoubtedly express itself in an infinite number of ways. Just because I have a purpose doesn’t necessarily mean that purpose is to become the next Dalai Lama or to be a famous actor or the next President (thank God). Your purpose may be to raise children, to build houses, to deliver the mail or to work in a factory. There is no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ purpose. There’s only that which inspires you and stirs your soul. When we are choiceful in the pursuits of our lives, we can no longer be enslaved.
Now I understand that not all people are aware that they have choices around their professional undertaking. The truth is, I am not as interested in the external as I am in the internal… in the human mind. When human beings wake up and realize that they are being enslaved by believing that they must struggle in their work, then things can change. I am more concerned with people reclaiming their creativity and connecting with their hearts. I am concerned with people becoming more human and less mechanical. Money is not the issue. The real issue is the mind.
Slavery does not only exist when we blindly follow the flow of society and work ourselves to stress and poor health. Slavery also exists when we depend on others for money at the expense of our creativity and personal power. Please note the end of the sentence. For example, if I give birth and stay home to raise my child, I may depend on my husband for income. That is different. Purpose can be to raise children (that is a pretty badass purpose too). I am not talking about that. I am also aware that some people fall in love with someone who has a lot of money and therefore they receive financial support from that person. It is very possible that one’s purpose may be to share true love with someone who happens to be financially abundant. That is wonderful! I am simply referring to the fear-based way of living that propels people to sacrifice love for money. I am pointing to the reliance on others for financial security at the expense of true heart centered connection.
When I was receiving all of the gifts from others, they brought me temporary joy of course. Who wouldn’t want to be flown to a tropical island and have all costs covered? Every now and then it’s nice. It’s nice to receive gifts and acts of kindness. The problem arises when we live our lives based on it… when we fail to peek inside to uncover the treasures and the richness inside our own soul. We are literally cutting ourselves off from our purpose. In my opinion, desperately depending on others for financial security is rooted in fear and self-doubt.
How to get out of the rut? One suggestion is to meditate. Get still. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Reflect. Journal. Volunteer. Practice yoga. Travel. For me, an immense sense of freedom, confidence and self-empowerment has emerged as a direct result of taking my finances into my own hands and knowing in my heart that I am capable of sustaining my own life. There are endless ways to transform fear into abundance and start building a sustainable framework for your life.
Oh, and here’s my expert advice regarding career:
You may not love what you do, but you must not hate it.