In this piece, I am referring to intimate partnerships. After all, the term ‘relationship’ translates to how we relate, whether it be to other people, situations, environments, etc. We are essentially in relationship 24/7.

Do you ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high? According to statistics, the divorce rate in America is over 50% for first time marriages. That means at least half of every marriage will end in divorce. In my opinion, the term divorce is becoming commontalk and perhaps even expected to some degree. Are marriages actually failing? What is missing? Even if people are not divorced, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are soaring in their relationships. Many people stay together out of comfort, fear, for children, money, or other reasons that have nothing to do with nurturing the relationship itself.

In order to avoid contraction and stress in relationships, whether marriage or long-term partnership of any kind, it’s crucial to distinguish the difference between relationship and REALationship. Get it?

As opposed to modern day view and execution of relationship, REALationship embodies certain qualities that ensure ease, more enjoyment, and less stress for everyone involved.

1. In REALationship, both partners know that nothing outside of them can bring happiness. That would suffice to say that a REALationship is composed of individuals who understand themselves and take full responsibility for their actions. They are free of blame and victimhood. They are powerful forces on their own, and when they unite, their individual sparks create fireworks.
2. A REALationship involves presence. There is an alive energy in REALationship that must be tended to. Just because your partnership gave you butterflies in the beginning doesn’t mean it will feel the same as time goes on. Be present with what is instead of what was… and when you are truly present, you will see your partner as a brand new person every day, which will help prevent boredom, complacency, and dullness.
3. A REALationship is filled with communication. Communication is how we relate! We are not mind readers, and regardless of how attached at the hip you may feel to your partner, you are not the same person and very likely have different opinions, beliefs, and thoughts around certain subjects. REALationships don’t assume or have expectations. They communicate… even around the difficult issues. They are courageous, open, and honest.
4. A REALationship is a great listener. Instead of talking back, offering advice, or trying to change a situation, participants in REALationship gracefully offer their undivided attention to their partner. There is a quote by Richard Moss which reads, ‘The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.’
5. A REALationship continues when partners separate. Just because you have followed the spark until it burned out doesn’t mean it’s time to become bitter, resentful, and angry. Celebrate! You are always connected. What have you learned from this experience? What will you take from it and share in future endeavors? What will you let go of? Sometimes part of REALationship actually involves going your separate ways, as that is the direction energy is naturally flowing. It’s not worth it to try and manipulate a force as obvious as that. Surrender to what is, and become grateful.

There are many more intricate facets that distinguish relationship from REALationship. One of the most exciting pieces of this is that you can elevate your relationship to a REALationship today. It’s simple, and it’s powerful. Not only will some of these practices support you in your current partnership, but if you are single, learning to love and understand yourself as well as learning to communicate your needs, desires, and boundaries honestly can assist in drawing in the perfect partner for you and prepping you for the most extraordinary fireworks show of your life.

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Shayna Hiller

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