Do the holidays stress you out? It seems a given for most of our modern culture, yet has always seemed such a paradox to me. The most ‘festive’ and ‘celebratory’ time of year somehow simultaneously becomes the biggest frenzy…

One of my biggest triggers around the holidays used to be food. In my early twenties, I began my holistic health journey and I would obsess over what I was going to eat on holidays, since I may be going to a family member’s house who didn’t eat healthy. I literally had tremendous anxiety over this and would plan for weeks before Thanksgiving so that I could bring my own food. In fact, I remember one Thanksgiving I brought prepped food to a family gathering and cooked myself an entirely separate meal. On one hand, it’s pretty badass because I had no shame and would not dare touch a factory farmed turkey or conventional creamed spinach (no cashew cream here). And… stuffing? I mean, the WORD ITSELF scared me…

Despite my precise attempts to get my ‘healthy holiday grub’ needs met, it didn’t work. I felt separate. I wasn’t necessarily craving the food my family was eating, but I was craving a feeling of pleasure and connection. I was too focused on the food. Food is such a powerful way in which we connect as humans, which is why it can be difficult for some people to give up old foods that remind us of the past… It can also be equally challenging when we are too strict with our diet to the extent we isolate ourselves from others in the process…

Due to my burdened emotional state, I would often go home and binge on a bag of gluten free pretzels or almonds or chocolate… hoping it would satisfy my craving for true nourishment, i.e. human connection. This is by no means to suggest that if you eat different foods than others that you are isolating yourself. NO WAY HOSAY (Jose, I know)…. BUT — If you are depriving yourself of pleasure and over-thinking food, it’s worth loosening up and finding more balance. It’s really just one day. And it can be a great way to practice mindful eating, so that even though you are loosening the grip of control, you have some gentle boundaries which prevent you from bingeing of overdoing it…

True pleasure lies in balance, not extremes.

I am so grateful that the holidays do not cause me anxiety anymore. In fact, I look so forward to them now, whether it’s to cozy up in pajamas, light candles, put on the fireplace (yep, I use it even in LA), take a bath, roast root vegetables, bake a paleo apple pie… you name it! I truly look forward to this time of year, wherever I spend it and without the added worry of what I will eat and more importantly without shaming myself through overeating or deprivation.

Here are my top 5 tips for mindful eating during the holidays:

1. Bring your own stuff (but not everything)— Whether you’re going to a family dinner or a potluck or a Friendsgiving or any other holiday gathering, communicate with the host to see what they will have and if there’s anything you can bring. Make an offer to bring one of your favorite dishes, whether it be a fresh salad, veggies, a healthy baked dessert, etc. I always bring Brussels sprouts, salad and a homemade healthy pie! This way, you know you will have some of your healthy ‘staples’. I usually just stick to eating these, and perhaps some of Aunt Mary’s green beans (yeah, I think they’re made with spray butter but whatever; they were made with Love)…

2. Don’t start with the chips— While it’s totally fine (and actually good for you) to go off your normal eating routine for a day, overeating hors d’oeuvres and snacks before your actual meal will not only ruin your appetite but will leave you feeling defeated and upset. If you can stick to just a handful of something (preferably no heaving processed foods or creamy dairy dips), then fine. But if you KNOW HOW YOU ARE and one somehow becomes thirty in less than three minutes, avoid it altogether. Sometimes I bring nori seaweed snacks or flax crackers and I’ll use the hummus or guacamole! If anything, grab some raw veggies with hummus if it’s available. But regardless, keep it light.

3. Sit Down— The worst thing you can do is eat while standing up and chatting. Well, I guess it’s not the worst thing. At all. But… your body will digest better and you will feel more nourished when you are relaxed and seated while eating. The more distracted you are, the less you will be able to tune into your body’s signals of fullness and satiation.

4. Chew— Now you’re probably thinking, ‘Ok, so I can’t even talk to my family members now?! Are we all just going to be chewing in silence?!’ Hmmm… not a bad thought, but likely not going to be the case. Chewing your food is the key to good digestion, experiencing more of the amazing taste of your food and feeling nourished and satisfied. But do not fret! You can still enjoy a sweet conversation with Uncle Joe while chomping on that maple glazed sweet potato… One of my ‘secrets’ is when I am eating with a large group of people, first of all I always take one bite and put my fork down and breathe deeply while chewing. If I have to speak, instead of quickly swallowing my food whole, I hide it in the back of my cheek (yep, you can just call me Chipmunk Shay from now on)… After I am done speaking, I go back to chewing my food. It may sound strange but it’s such a cool practice!

5. Trust yourself— If you REALLY want something that’s ‘unhealthy’ according to your standards, have a damn bite! Or two! But not 928! And savor each moment of that bite(s). Let a wave of deep appreciation for your miraculous taste buds and the overall experience of ingesting this delightful treat encompass you. You don’t have to scarf something down in less than 4 seconds just because you feel like you shouldn’t be eating it. That defeats the purpose altogether. The attention and energy and gratitude you apply to your food affects the way you will feel after eating it. Trust yourself to be able to say YES AND NO simultaneously. This is a beautiful way to have your cake and eat it too (punny, I know)…