If you’re in a relationship, here are some tools to keep the flame burning. Imagine your relationship is a living being. If you don’t tend to it with care… feed it, pay attention to it, play with it, it will not survive very long. At the very least, it will not grow. It will stay stagnant. I strongly believe relationships are capable of strengthening and expanding over time… with certain practices in play. I have seen and been in enough relationships that fail due to lack of communication, lack of intimacy, high expectations, assumptions and possession. Learn how to avoid the common pitfalls of relationships while opening up to a new dimension of yourself and your partner each day.

1. Carve out time for intimacy.

Otherwise things will always get in the way. Our moods are always changing, and if we base intimacy on how we feel, it may never happen. Once we commit to a certain time for intimacy, as we move into it, our mood will inevitably change. I like to view intimacy as a meditation or even a medication. It is truly healing, and you must prioritize it… especially if you live a busy life. Make it a sacred time, i.e. no phones, excuses, work, stress, etc. If you have to set a timer, do it!

2. Give compliments.

Giving is nourishing, both for the giver and the recipient. Make sure it comes from your heart. Observe your lover and take note of what you admire about him/her Imagine you are seeing your partner for the first time. (Hint: The little things count!)

3. Communicate.

This is probably the most important way to nourish any relationship. Through language, we are able to express our feelings and thoughts. We are not telepathic beings (perhaps there are few exceptions). Set aside time and give each other ten minutes to talk… about anything. Don’t interrupt. Make space for what comes up. Be receptive. Make eye contact. And don’t take anything personally. Your partner’s words are his/her own, and he/she has a right to express him/herself authentically. And please be honest. You are your word. If you are not honest with your partner (or anyone else for that matter), you are quite literally cutting yourself off from living a full, balanced life.

4. Travel.

It can be a day trip, a weekend away or a month long adventure. Relating in different environments is expansive and will teach you a lot about each other.

5. Ask questions.

This goes hand in hand with communication. What’s working? What’s not? Stay curious about your partner’s needs and desires. Don’t be afraid to answer with the truth. Make space for what comes up, and find a mutual solution to any issues.

6. Eliminate expectations.

Even if you THINK you know, you probably don’t, and regardless, expectations are a recipe for disaster.

7. Renew your Love each day.

Love is a force of nature. Be present in your relationship, and view it as something new each day. Because it is! Is today’s love the same as yesterday’s? Is it different? Go with the flow of love. The sun doesn’t shine everyday. Love is the same. It also doesn’t rain every day either. This way, you are not stringing along a relationship and letting is get stale. Because it will.

8. Spice up your sex life.

Feathers, beads, candles, fuzzy handcuffs.. you get the picture. Same old gets boring. Live out a fantasy. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. I recommend this book to inspire you.

9. Discover your Love language.

Discover your and your partner’s love language. This concept is based on an incredible book called the 5 Love Languages. You can find your love language here.

By integrating these practices into your relationships, you will undoubtedly feel better and maximize your potential as an individual and as a person in relationship. When it comes down to it, our partners serve as mirrors into ourselves. A direct reflection of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Being in relationship involves risk, uncertainty, trust, awareness, and courage. The results of showering yourself and your loved ones with Vitamin L (Vitamin LOVE) are worth the risk, and there is a valuable lesson to be learned from every situation in life. Love it all!

Shayna Hiller

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